


not actually a terrible idea

by ignitesthestars



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Trans Character, F/M, Fake Marriage, Fluff, Pre-Relationship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 06:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11572401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ignitesthestars/pseuds/ignitesthestars
Summary: They’ve encountered a lot of weird shit over the past couple of decades - seriously, so much weird shit. No, really, an unbelievably large amount of just fucking unusual occurrences. But Lup’s gotta say, the world of ‘seriously we are not going to pay any attention to you at all unless one of you is married’ still manages to take her by surprise, even after all these cycles.





	not actually a terrible idea

They’ve encountered a lot of weird shit over the past couple of decades - seriously, so much weird shit. No, really, an unbelievably large amount of just fucking unusual occurrences. But Lup’s gotta say, the world of ‘seriously we are not going to pay any attention to you at all unless one of you is married’ still manages to take her by surprise, even after all these cycles.

“So, we're stealing it, right?” Merle slouches in one of the chairs in the galley, feet barely skimming the floor. “Not that I’d support such a _sin_ , but we're definitely stealing it?”

“Unless you've got a wife hidden away in your closet.” Magnus is leaning against the door, thick arms folded over his chest. “Or a husband. Some poor, downtrodden soul.”

“You know what, I don't see anyone falling over themselves to put a ring on your finger, kid.”

“That's because you can't see, old man.”

Davenport intervenes, and the discussion devolves into a mess of yelling and half-baked plans as Lup sits on the table next to her brother and notes the way that Barry Bluejeans is very carefully not looking at her.

She grins. Great minds think alike after all, and she doesn’t have any doubts that he’s hit upon the same solution to this little hiccup as she has.

Taako elbows her. She ignores him. Taako elbows her again, and when that still doesn’t produce the response he’s looking for (she _knows_ , okay, she doesn’t need her brother’s helping hand here), he clears his throat to make sure everyone’s looking at him.

“I mean, you’re all throwing out some real doozies here a la grand theft lumino, but I’m pretty sure we could just have Lup and Barry pretend to be hitched.”

Barry chokes. On air, Lup’s pretty sure, which might have been offensive ten cycles ago. But she likes to think she’s got a handle on ol’ Bluejeans these days, and the only thing that really annoys her about this situation is that Taako got the jump on her. Making Barry blush might not be the nicest hobby in the world, but it’s hers, damnit.

“That,” Davenport says slowly, “is not actually a terrible idea.”

“Well yeah homie, don’t look so surprised. Taako know’s what’s up.”

“Why - uh, why would it have to be m-me and Lup?” Barry’s face is approximately the colour of a tomato. “Magnus seems like the, um, more obvious choice? Or - they didn’t say that they were institutionally homophobic or anything, did they? Lucretia and Lup could, or Taako and Magnus, or - I’m just saying. There are a lot of other options.”

The way her heart squeezes when he suggests Magnus sort of takes her by surprise. She cares about Barry, obviously - she cares about all of them. But there’s a voice in the back of her head that’s getting louder cycle by cycle, insisting that Barry isn’t allowed to feel badly about himself. Definitely not if she can prevent it.

She leans back on her hands, raising both eyebrows at him. “You think I couldn’t land a fish like you, Barry?”

“No - no that’s not what I said--”

“Because I could marry you. I could marry you so hard, you’d be arguing about which way the toilet paper should face before you knew what’d happened.”

The bewildered look on his face is maybe the most endearing thing Lup’s seen in her life. “It goes with the loose end on top, why would anyone argue about that?”

Now, they’re a few cycles away from the time that Lup finds herself thinking about this guy, and how he might be it for her. She has a few hangups of her own to work through, a few fears about an uncertain future to overcome. But it’s right then - that moment, when Barry Bluejeans is so blindingly right about which way the toilet paper should go - when she starts to get an inkling that maybe this isn’t just fondness and teasing coming together at the right moment.

Barry glances up at her, still red behind her glasses, but doesn’t look away this time. And she grins back, delighted in his bravery, delighted more by the small smile that steals across his mouth before he remembers to be embarrassed about everything.

“I think it’s a good idea.”

The moment passes, the weight of the room’s attention abruptly lifted from both Lup and Barry as Lucretia, standing in the corner, says those rarest of words. She falters briefly under the pressure, but straightens after Lup winks at her, hugging her current journal a little closer to her chest and giving a serious nod.

“I don’t think any of us could argue that we occasionally need a leader’s hand to keep us on track, so Davenport’s out. Merle has an unfortunate tendency to stick his foot in his mouth. Taako has an unfortunate tendency to make _other_ people stick their foot in their mouth, and Magnus - Magnus is clearly not the married type. I’m sorry Barry, but you and Lup really are the only option.”

Lup watches his struggle, because they all know Lucretia left herself out, but mentioning that is only going to open him up to more teasing about who he does and does not want to be married to. She decides to save him, at least for the time being.

“And you’re going to be too busy writing this whole debacle down to participate, right Lucretia?” Lup jumps off the table, hipchecks Barry when she comes down. “Come on, Bluejeans. You’re always stuck back in the lab, this is your chance to see how the other half live.”

“I _like_ my lab,” he protests, but it’s with the tone of a man who knows he’s already lost the battle.

“Trust me. Once this year is up, it’ll be no contest between me and that place.”

“It’s,” he says, and cuts himself off so fast he nearly chokes again. But Lup’s used to that, the stuttering and second-guessing, so she steamrolls right over him without reading too much into it.

“A deal!” she announces. “Davenport, do they do rings in this place? Someone get us some rings.”

And just like that, Lup and Barry are married. Technically. Having settled upon something that resembles a plan, the group starts to break apart, although Lup lingers near her husband. She might have railroaded him into this for funsies, but the last thing she wants is to make him uncomfortable. She opens her mouth to let him know, except Taako gets there first because of course he does.

“Hold on, you think that _Magnus_ could get _this_?”


End file.
